Lesson 6 – Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

There’s a lot in this video for me to think about. The concept of ‘self-compassion’ is where my traditional Eastern orientation to ‘mindfulness’, and specifically, ‘compassion’, collides with Western views of these experiences. In Traditional Dharma (which Western ‘mindfulness’ was extracted from) compassion is explicitly explained as an organic byproduct of the realization and reality of ‘non-self’, similar to how larger firmer muscles are the natural byproduct of lifting weights.

Non-self, briefly, is the understanding that our personal existence, which we have been trained to perceive, cherish and storify as a solid separate “I”, is a conditioned, transitory, wholly dependent inseparable element of the whole of existence, not an independent self-existing solid separate entity. Traditional teachings assert the non-existence of an independent self and view this delusion as the foundational confusion that prevents us from being sane, non-harming, effective and happy. An understanding of non-self is central to nearly all premodern / ancient oral traditions from around the globe, in one form or another.

A clear conceptual and experiential comprehension of ‘non-self’, along with a committed consistent practice of lovingkindness, both generates and informs compassion (which is action, not a sentiment). Clarity (of non-self) + Kindness (for all beings, which includes our personal being) = Compassion (wise action). When we compassionately act for the common good of all life, this action, necessarily and by the same means, attends to personal existence also. A sub-classification of “self-compassion” or “I-compassion”, must, at best, be understood as a Western linguistic convenience.

The innate interrelationship of personal existence and the whole of existence is no different than the interrelationship between a cloud and the atmosphere within which the cloud appears, functions and is contained by. The term ‘cloud’ describes processes taking place within the atmosphere. We can see when we’re flying through a cloud that there is no “cloud” there. A cloud is not solid or self-existent, even though it appears so from the ground. Neither is a human biological organism that appears, functions in and is contained by the meta environments that it exists innately embedded in, at the endless effect of and utterly dependent on for sustenance and survival, even though it appears and feels as if it is.

Westerners (and non-Westerners who have been Westernized), in our consumer culture, are deeply and purposefully conditioned, from cradle to coffin, to a very modern radical individualism that is subtly but ruthlessly exploited by the ruling class in the interest of revenue streams and annual, five, ten, twenty and thirty year profit projections. Central to this relentless conditioning is an emphasis on developing and perpetually grooming a story of ‘I’ that ritually keeps pace with the ever changing demands of enforced consumption.

We are trained to construct an elaborate self-identity (identify with a fiction of ‘self’) from unconsciously received scripts, that is mythified as unique and original, and that is dependent on the acquisition of consumer goods, status and achievements that reflect, reinforce and reify this construction. We are told that everything is all about this fictional hallucination of “I” and that our self-satisfaction and happiness, even the meaning of life, depend on this hallucination of a separate solid “self” that conforms to the tsunami of lifestyle templates and stories fed to us via our devices.

Viewed through a traditional Dharma lens, this is a very modern madness, not unlike schizophrenia. A characteristic of schizophrenia is the inability to acknowledge / accept relationship. An obsession with a false identity of a separate solid ‘self’ that forgets, ignores, or denies its dependent interrelational nature, is a pathological alienation from the interdependent dynamic reality of our personal existence within the dynamic whole of existence. It is an actual psychosis that is the root cause of our perpetual dissatisfaction, neurosis, nihilism, anxiety, and a long list of physiological / neurological disorders and unskillful, even dangerous, behaviors that plague modern society. This hallucination of a separate solid ‘self’, and a defended identification with it, harms us.

An understanding of non-self (along with lovingkindness) as the source of compassion has, not surprisingly, been left out of Western mindfulness theory / practice, necessitating a balm called ‘self-compassion’ aimed at comforting the dissatisfying and stress-inducing mental / emotional construct of ‘self’ that is imagined as existing somehow separate from everything else and that is the cause of our distress. IMO, this balm serves to mask the dangerous rip in our perception that causes us to imagine we self-exist and that has brought about the destruction of the ecosystem (which modern people also imagine as existing separate ‘out there’ somewhere), dangerous climate chaos, mass extinction and a very real human existential crisis.

This understanding doesn’t mean that we should ignore or not take good care of personal existence. If we’re not taking care of the body’s basic needs, if we’re not managing the mind and restraining emotional reactivity, then our ability to compassionately act as we move with the dance of this life will be inhibited, clumsy and minimally effective, at best. But, if we place a cherished fiction of ‘I’ at the center of our perception and become absorbed by and dragged around by it, constantly attending to and grooming it, enslaved by it, we not only inhibit compassionate action and minimize its effectiveness, we also run the risk of unconsciously and confusingly making our attempts to act compassionately for the benefit of all living beings “all about me”. This can make the situation we are trying to compassionately address worse. Learning to see our personal existence as if a cloud in the atmosphere keeps us from getting in our own way as we skillfully and selflessly care for and protect life.

The challenge for me as a teacher is how to encourage and support Western / Westernized students, in a sensitive yet ‘cutting through’ way, to cultivate skillful compassionate action for all beings, to do this experientially and reflectively while not perceiving personal existence as separate from “all beings” and the whole of existence, and to help them avoid becoming drugged by a delusion of ‘self’ as they necessarily and carefully attend to the practical needs of their personal existence without concretizing and becoming obsessed with it. I’m curious how others address or will address these issues with their students and in their personal practice.

It is important to understand self compassion from your own lens, and what it truly means to you.. I like how Kristin Neff mentioned “self compassion focuses on self acceptance, not self improvement.” I believe the biggest challenge one has is to accept things as they are, we mostly tend to make excuses for ourself or others but do not wish to accept things from the start. I will value this lesson of self compassion as I think it is one of the most important aspect for self love.

I like Kristin's approach covering what Self-Compassion is not, then covering what it is. As Teachers it is wise when meeting one to one is to be asking the correct questions to better understanding our Students or clients.
And asking a group by asking those curious questions to get Students thinking about what applies to them or not, & allowing for Neutral feelings to depending where they are at. There is w side scope there.

I love the self-compassion exercises. I use it often. As I have found myself angry and frustrated with friends and family's political views. To calm the storm in my head, and build compassion and kindness towards those I disagree with this meditation is highly effective. It reminds me we are all people with hopes and dreams, and that finding a way to connect might help find a way to understand the other point of view, at the very least allow me to respond with loving kindness and articulate my views without anger. It is very powerful to wish people I am angry with good health and well being.

Kristin's video provided me with great information in explaining to students the difference between self-pity and self-compassion. That self-compassion is NOT letting yourself off easy. It requires hard work and self-reflection without criticism and harsh judgment. This is a profound idea. I think most students require a lot of work in the area to combat the automatic negative thoughts that hold us back and cause us stress. I have been having a lot of that lately as I am running for local office in our town. I have been dealing with self-doubt and the "imposter syndrome". I sometimes need to mediate several times a day. I am fortunate in having the ability to notice these thoughts and take deep cleansing breaths, or a walk in the woods, or put on a mediation. This ability is like a super-power! I used to take pills to help alleviate the stress my body was under from these thoughts, of course that does not actually stop the chatter in my head.

I really liked Kristin's video about the difference between self-pity and self-compassion. Overall this lesson was great as usual and I fell Im on the right path for sure 🙂

I really gained a lot from this unit and know that it is a huge area for me to explore. Really enjoyed the comments from my peers and how unique each of us is in our perspective. In recently completing a training with Kristen Neff in Fierce self compassion – it was interesting to dig more deeply into the difference between fierce self compassion and tender self compassion and how that plays out and is of benefit. From this particularly module my big take-away is that self-compassion can be the biggest motivator in continuing with my daily practice and that its OK to explore all sorts of practices as I see to operate better in an ad-hoc manner. Eventually it all comes together. The more I embrace myself – warts and all, the easier it is for me to relate to students, family, friends, any other being really. Such valuable content.

Valuable information and resources for expanding the topic. Self compassion , a fundamental practice to see ourselves through out the lenses of love.
Thank you!!!

Very inspiring and informative. Opened up new perspectives for me 🙂

The one thing that I heard this that struck a chord for me is that motivation self criticism. And for me, that means I have to show myself some type of compassion, as well as grace, to move forward and to grow.

Hola tribu, today is 10-16-2024, Dr Niff's video was from 10-16-2015 and very little has changed to change the content of this teaching. I remember a quote attributed to Mother Teresa on one of her trips to NYC she was asked why come to the US. She responded on how she ministers to those who are spiritually needy and none are are spiritually needy as those in this country. She opened a ministry in the South Bronx, Harlem, and a few others in NYC to join the 700+ she founded worldwide, Sisters of the Poor. Peace, El Sonero aka Vicente